SAMPLE AUDITION MONOLOGUES OR POEMS


THE DIRECTOR from A NARRATOR’S STORY by Teddy Skye Garcia
DIRECTOR: Well, I have a few things. (sighs) Listen, I know your mom was one of the great narrators of all time. You don’t have to live up to that. You’re young, and maybe you’ll get there someday, but for now, I need you to step it up a little bit, alright? The thing is, it’s all resting on you. We don’t live in some crazy world where actors “read lines” from “scripts” and “memorize them” and then “perform” them in front of a “paying audience” in a “black box theatre” in a “performing arts complex” on a “hill.” I mean, that’s just ridiculous. That isn’t our world. You have the power to control everything. The things you say, you can make them happen. You just gotta own it.


MERLIN from THE WITCH ACADEMY by Mark Andrew Reyes
MERLIN: Now, now, McMurtle...no vengeance spells on the Academy grounds. You know the rules. (The three start bickering again.) Quiet! Ladies please! Now settle down. (They reluctantly do). That's better. Remember, you three have returned to the Academy for a refresher course. You graduated in 1603.... You have to set an example to the younger students. (With a stern tone) And a fine example you are! Look at the three of you. Shakespeare's most imaginative characters, and you squabble and nitpick like three old hens. You should be ashamed. You represent some of the finest qualities of this old establishment... The Academy for the Arcane Arts and Sciences was founded on the principle of magic, mystery, and sorcery for all times and all ages. The four centuries you have endured certainly lend you some responsibility to the next generation. Now, I will overlook this little set back in your studies.... But on the condition that you, McHattie, prepare one of your exceptional stews this evening.


SICK by Shel Silverstein
“I cannot go to school today!"
Said little Peggy Ann McKay
"I have the measles and the mumps
A gash, a rash, and purple bumps
My mouth is wet, my throat is dry
I'm going blind in my right eye
My tonsils are as big as rocks
I've counted sixteen chicken pox
And there's one more, that's seventeen
And don't you think my face looks green?
My leg is cut, my eyes are blue
It might be instamatic flu
I cough and sneeze and gasp and choke
I'm sure that my left leg is broke
My hip hurts when I move my chin
My belly button's caving in
My back is wrenched, my ankle's sprained
My 'pendix pains each time it rains
My nose is cold, my toes are numb
I have a sliver in my thumb
My neck is stiff, my spine is weak
I hardly whisper when I speak
My tongue is filling up my mouth
I think my hair is falling out
My elbow's bent, my spine ain't straight
My temperature is 108
My brain is shrunk, I cannot hear
There's a hole inside my ear
I have a hangnail, and my heart is... what?
What's that? What's that you say?
You say today is Saturday? Ha-ha
G'bye, I'm goin' out to play"


IF I WERE IN CHARGE OF THE WORLD by Judith Viorst
If I were in charge of the world
I’d cancel oatmeal,
Monday mornings,
Allergy shots,
and also Sara Steinberg

If I were in charge of the world
There’d be brighter night lights,
Healthier hamsters,
and Basketball baskets forty eight inches lower.

If I were in charge of the world
You wouldn’t have lonely,
You wouldn’t have clean,
You wouldn’t have bedtimes,
Or “Don’t punch your sister.”
You wouldn’t even have sisters.

If I were in charge of the world
A chocolate sundae with whipped cream and nuts would be a vegetable
All 007 movies would be G
And a person who sometimes forgot to brush,
And sometimes forgot to flush,
Would still be allowed to be
In charge of the world.